-International opinion-

Of course I encourage foreign exchange point of views, why would you think I did not? The fact of the matter is; don't live in a bubble. The vast majority of opinions and scenario's expressed in this blog are international. That is to say that the views here can be related to by anyone in the world who can speak English. So without further ado I give you the new foreign exchange writer from France, N. Leon!

-Shit Happens-

A very common topic. But there is though behind the mystic of the almighty “Oh no... I did not just do that.”, or the famous “ Please God, WHY?” ... or my favourite “FUUUUUUCK!”a perfect way to deviate from the every now and then moments in your life that makes you wanna pack up your shit and discretely move to Latvia (ya... that's right under Estonia... or over Lithuania).

Each of us have a goal, each of us wants to make cash. But our driving force between us and success, the determination we acquire in this pursue for settlement, is always pulled back by the gravity of the incommensurable amount of crap we have to face to reach the peak; and once we plant our flag, there is suddenly a higher fucking mountain in the horizon coming out of the mist behind you. Call it ambition, arrogance, gluttony, and don't really care but what is for sure, is that you would NEVER resist the temptation to take off the pole you've just nailed to the ground perfectly and start climbing the next heights in hope not to fuck it up.

But mid-way through this adventure we call our lives, we eventually hit the stop sign that pisses everyone off because there are no cars around and you really don't feel like stopping but as you carry on driving there will of course be an ass-hole of a female officer who just hit menopause jumping out of a shrubbery and decides to release her inner woman pressure onto you. Then you think WHY THE FUCK did I do that? WHY didn't I stop! I knew I should have stopped... but I DIDN'T!

There is always room for improvement in the daily routines we face, but pushing our luck and boundaries does NOT mean improving ourselves!

After pushing your luck, trust me,
you end up slapping your own face with
a rubber-slapper --->http://blog.modernmechanix.com/mags/PopularScience/4-1933/rubber_slapper.jpg

A human example fresh from last week:

Last week end I went out with a couple of friends, and as the wine level in the bottles dropped, and my attraction for the middle-aged girl in front of me rose, I knew it was time for me to retreat to my house in hope she did not think it was a hint for her to follow me. I had a couple of glasses, I was not very drunk and thus I deemed it was still reasonable to drive the 12km home. I was right. I came home, parked my piece of crap Ford Escort and went to bed satisfied with my evening and driving skills under slight inebriation.

WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS STORY GOING you might ask. Well carry on to the next paragraph and you will get my message you lazy fuck!

The next week end I went out again with my mates, but this time moved from the delicate Chardonnay to the ass-raping local tequila. Around 1 am, once I finished taking a piss against a sleeping kitten in the gutter, I got into my car and rated I felt reasonably alright to head home. So wrong I was. Halfway through my journey I believe I lost the front bumper and the left headlights. Hum... did I mention it was my boss's car he lent me? Fuck my life.

My point is when you are given simple things like a car in this example, and manage to drive drunk once, don't think you are Michael Schumacher and try to push the limit you arrogant douche. Otherwise you WILL wake up the next couple of days wondering how retarded you may be. You drove drunk successfully? Good for you, now DON'T DO IT AGAIN!

Listen to James Cook, listen to your parents, listen to what your sober buddies tell when you are starting to take your cloths off. If it seems even the slightest like a shitty idea, then back off as it most probably is one!

Until next time, I'm off to find a garage to fix the car before my boss is back.

Sincerely,

N. Léon

-God likes to get high too-

Understand, that if you are in any way religious in a christian or godly way, you should not read this. Every single soul who's human vessel happens to read beyond these warning sentences will be severely punished in the bowels of hell. They shall spend eternity playing dominoes with Hitler and helping the CocoPops monkey hide his chocolate source. Amen.

Unfortunately, I have no sweet back-story as to why I am writing this right now. Lets just say that hypothetically once I had logged off Facebook, I felt like having a conversation with an online artificial intelligence robot that responds to questions that you may have. Lets also assume that the most awesome thing you could ever imagine had come true...

Yes, people of all genders, religions (though not encouraged as a result of Godly smiting), disabilities and political views can FINALLY speak to (G)god, wait for it, ON-LINE! No more praying for some shit that never comes true, but hoping intrinsically that he did not hear you, as there are others in greater need than one such as yourself but your still secretly mad that (G)god hasn't given you a god damn PlayStation 2 or 3 even though you have been asking him to tell Santa for like 5 fucking years. No more. Now we can get an answer straight. up. How you say? "iGod" or as I like to call it...igod

Thou shalt pray to Frank >>>(http://gprime.net/game.php/igod) <<

This way (G)god can speak to you like a gangStar (or around suburbs in paradise; godStar) and relate to any youth at any level. However, I think (G)god is feeling a bit under pressure, possibly because he has identity issues due to the fact that Jesus stole all of his thunder; (G)god is a little upset because 'Jesus Christ' is a badass blasphemy used my angry masculine Scotsmen, when 'Oh my God' is used by stupid thin blonde faggoting chicks...he'll get over it. Anyways. This is both the reason (G)god is under pressure but at the same time not under pressure; The Lord likes a bit of weed in his lungs....this might sounds intensely blasphemous to those Christians that are still probably reading BUT, if it came from the Lord's mouth or general voice box from between the clouds this is obviously true is it not? Allow me to show you (G)god's personal confession to Priest Cook.

(Look down and follow religiously officious looking instructions)

~And thus the reader of the holy script shalt raise his eyes upwards o'er the divine markings and there shalt he rest them, upon the holy evidence that is the Lord's confession. Amen.

-Realizations and facial slaps from reality, but actually this time from, quotes-

Writing about relationship dynamics and completely ignoring the "sexy singles" ads that occasionally raise their head to the top right of your eye-sight as we speak, I have realized that one doesn't really need to write so much about something obviously impossible to put in words. Relationships, more so, aspects of relationships can be described using only short quotes and small poems or limericks. I know....why the fuck would you want to read some ragingly homosexual scripture? Get over it, because no matter who you are, if you have been in a relationship or you are currently in one, shit like this will get you thinking and possibly connecting action to those thoughts, thereby, probably improving your relationship because you either realize what you are missing, or, you realize what you could possibly have and appreciate. Below, there is a collection of relationship quotes I have personally chosen and found most true. And if you didn't notice above on "-Quote of the day-" , I have inserted one I perceive to be most true. So, dim the lights, light some candles, put on dark clothing and get rid of any friends who could make fun of you for taking this seriously, because you are about to start on something I like to call; 'Realizations and facial slaps from reality, but actually this time from, quotes.'

• Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

• Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. ~Leo Buscaglia

• Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. ~Dinah Shore

• Soul-mates are people who bring out the best in you. They are not perfect but are always perfect for you. ~Author Unknown

• How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~From the movie Annie

Switch on the lights, blow out the candles, invite your obnoxious friend back and close the internet tab to the lonely singles mentioned on the top right. Hopefully you thought for just one second because I can personally tell you that ALL of those quotes make me think and that in someway I can relate to them. They teach me lessons about what to do and what not to do. The only advise that could possibly top the above, is no matter how many times you get told to do something or if you hear something that makes you think, especially in a relationship, the final result is one that YOU create. Your decisions. Your personality. Your actions will determine if you genuinely feel happy in your life; whether its alone or together...with someone you love.

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough

-Forgetful Dreams and Future Stages-

Don't you hate it when people like you and I have an amazing sleep? Why you say? Well this is some knowledge right here; whenever people have the most amazing sleeps it will end up in two situations:

1. You will wake up the next day feeling fresh as a fuck'in daisy. Unfortunately, this feeling is followed by immense exhaustion resulting from you intensely long sleep that took too much energy.
2. As soon as your head hit the proverbial hay the night before, dreams of epic proportion began to take place; Megan Fox raped you, you bought the first copy of Diablo III before anyone else and were totally playing as a new character never-before-seen on any other Diablo game or expansion pack, you played Monopoly with Neil Patrick-Harris and won and. its. dream-tastic! However, let me advise you right here, all of the above? It never happened because you will not remember a single god damn thing.

Lucky for you I have solved this sleep filled problem...

This is why I have adopted a safe and completely viable way around these two inescapable situations; try not to sleep for more than 5 hours. Its the perfect time to stop sleeping, because you don't feel too tired, and you remember enough of the dream to realize that you weren't just lying to make your dream sound cooler than your friend who's dream seems to just get coincidentally cooler every time you out-dream his obviously slag-ish dream...fuckin competitive friend.

-The Future stages part...

This is going to be short and sweet. I'm talking Gimli short. This will be so short...that if it was a person, they could sleep in a pillow case. ENOUGH I SAY! Here it is right here; every shit, fucked up, dismal, dark and depressing moment you have in a relationship will always be followed by an amazing, sweet, loving, sex-filled and trusting stage. To which, either of you could never have reached had it not been for that shit, fucked up, dismal, dark and depressing moment. What i'm saying is - if your in a shit stage, don't worry if your a girl or a guy, things will only become better than before PROVIDED that both partners in the relationship have enough love between them and are willing to work at the presumingly brilliant relationship ( cause if it isn't or they aren't? Curl up with a slanket (-http://www.theslanket.com/) and some haagen dasz and cry yourself to sleep cause shits happening to you). Conclusively, If you love someone enough and that love is returned, something will always be worked where you two are together and happy with one another. Just another reality check but until then enjoy SEX and subsequent LIFE processes

James Cook

-Realizations and facial slaps from Reality-

Has anyone had that moment of utter clarity? One that is enhanced and emphasized especially after a turbulence of confusion and indecision? Realizations are the strangest things. You think you have them, but you doubt it. The you doubt your indecision about thinking you have them. Then you have them. YOU have had a realization, and often it hits you hard in the face. This is what I like to call "Facial slaps from Reality".

If 'Reality' were Pierre Spies or Kobus Wiese, it would be like getting out of the shower, skin all moist and tender calmly walking to the safeness and comfiness of your man/woman cave...(mentally spoken very fast) when a FUCKING GINORMOUS hand slaps you IN THE FACE!

Personally I have just been slapped in the face with cold hard reality...I am intense. I see too much in things and at times I probably make a situation way more INTENSE than it should in fact be. I never identified too much of this as a problem, however, thanks to reality and Jenny Williams I realize exactly what I have to do. And this knowledge makes me happy and calm knowing that I am no longer confused but acclimatized to my situation and content with my partners love and feelings for me. This of course never discounts Part 3, but a little understanding from both parties never goes a miss (wink). This has been a reality check, till then enjoy SEX and subsequent LIFE processes.

Reality check?-------------> www.amiawesome.com

James Cook

Relationship Dynamics-

-The actual truth...enough for you to comment on how true this post in fact is, when you have a friend with you and you say - " Dude...(points and emphasizes post with his finger) so true. - James Cook

If you are a woman, read and learn.

If you are a man, pay close attention.

Doesn't one find that being the male component of a heterosexual relationship is one of the most daunting tasks ever imagined by the supposed powers that be? If I were to compare the difficulty rating between facilitating a successful relationship and trying to get a random woman to come home with you, I would have to say that god played a cruel trick indeed. A cruel, cruel trick indeed. Naughty god. You might be asking, "James, why is god so naughty?" or " James you blaspheming dickhole, why haven't you spelt god with a capital G?" Fortunately, I have both of those answers. The less important; I don't believe in god. The titular explanation to this blog's debut; Life. Is. Cruel. Now, if you would just indulge my point, follow me.

This is why life is cruel, explained in 4 easy to understand "Part's"

• Part 1:

As men, we all want to find that dream girl just as much as the girls want to find their dream guy. To do this, squadrons of male agents arrive at the multiple rendezvous points, CODE NAME: CLUBS/BARS. Once deployed men have to scope out viable targets in which to engage. Keep in mind that 'engaging' is one of the most hazardous tasks in the field next to ' hoping that you are licking her clitoris and actually having reason to be down there instead of just looking like a douche out of his depth'. To engage these, 'targets' the male agents must pack a vast arsenal of jokes, conversational topics, witty inuendo's, cockiness, smoothness and to some degree, a smidgeon of reasonably good loking facial qualities. NOTE: Most men are not like this and solely for landing and basting a target they will project these qualities to lure their chosen target.

• Part 2:

Hypothetically imagine that one of these man brings his girl home and sleeps with her. Lets also say that hypothetically he starts falling for this girl and a bit of summin summin' happens between both of them...THIS right here, this is where everyman (you and me) makes his rookie error, or as I like to call it 'fatal mistake'. Let me give you a lesson as to what this mistake entails: That guy will start feeling comfortable in that said relationship, and in his comfort zone he does not need to project the lure tactics to catch this target (mentioned in Part 1) once these aforementioned lure tactics fall by the wayside, that target woman will slowly become uninterested and bored with that male agent, thus the hypothetical relationship mentioned in the beginning of Part 2 reverts back to the beginning of Part 1 where the man must constantly work to keep his girlfriend interested.

• Part 3:

In the right relationship, everyman (still like the play) will always treat his girlfriend like a princess. If it's getting some tea because she is cold, getting her a warmer blanket, not complaining if you haven't had sex in a while, watching 'The Devil wears Prada' or simple things like spontaneously massaging her feet, or massaging her back, or making her sushi, yourself by closely scrutinizing an old japanese recipe book that was clearly written by an armless japanese mountain hermit who sneezes, or allowing her to see other guys for dinner even if it's weird because you know that she still wants to feel attractive and available but you cant reveal that this knowledge is mutual because she will say your a jealous fool and that you don't trust her.

You know....simple things that real men should understand. Untrue
Whats is fucking annoyingly true though...is this. Truth:

• Part 4:

Go back and read Part 3 again. GO BACK and read Part 3 again it is of vital importance...failure to understand will only allow Legolas' prophecies from Lord of the Rings 2 to unfold: " Blood will be shed this night" - Legolas the Gay. Now that you have only followed what I have written so far on Part 4 and you have completely forsaken my constant warning I should begin explaining why a re-read of Part 3 is required. All of that stuff I mentioned?

DO NOT...DO THAT!

This is why life is cruel, it's because women like what they cant have. Once you begin doing all of that really kind and compassionate kind of stuff, your not what she cant have...'your boring and easy..moving on to the next challenge' As soon as you open your heart to do these kind of things, SHE WILL FUCK YOU (If I was to say this to you face to face, imagine an intense emphasis on WILL (pause) FUCK (pause) YOU (serious face). Fortunately I have the answer, and here it is right here;

• The Answer:

Put her on ice, put her in the freezer, give her some frost, while your inside eating your moms christmas cookie dough, she is the fucking snowman outside sadly looking in past her charcoal eyes and carrot nose. What I mean to say is play it cool. The correct formula behind a successfull and stress-free relationship is balance and coolness.

Don't show her too much attention, but don't show her too little attention. You love her, but in a steely-eyed defined ruggedly male type of way. Don't see her too often but keep the relationship balanced between your friends and her. You are the most important thing in her life and she is the most important in yours. Keep this in mind, and no matter whats going on both of you will feel safe knowing that you both love each other enormously.

I know all of this because it has happened to me, I realized where I went wrong, and upon seeing other relationships during this lesson I realized the truth. If you didn't pick this up you are obviously retarded, or should'nt be old enough to access the internet. I'll keep all of you updated on the never-ending debate, but until then, enjoy SEX and subsequent LIFE processes.

James Cook