- men vs. tampons -
The plight of man vs. p.m.s / women can be traced all the way back to the dawn of creation. I assume that the story of genesis chapters 2 and 3 (also known as adam and eve), crosses all religious, ethnic and cultural borders; everybody knows the story of 'adam and eve'. What they may not know however, is how it happened according to james cook.
- the following parable contains original and amended text from the bible -
God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat of it: for in the day that you eat of it you will surely die.” to the instructions, man replied "No worries man, fruits are fuckin gay anyway...later." Thereafter the man was awesome and totally content with his own company when God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” This was unnecessary, as the man explained; " Dude, I'm completely fine, it's a garden for christsake."Out of the ground God formed every animal of the field, and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them anyway. Whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.The man gave names to all cattle (steak), and to the birds of the sky (chicken), and to every animal of the field and he was content.
Later that night God caused a deep sleep to fall on the man (chloroform), and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. He made the rib, which God had taken from the man, into a woman, and brought her to the man. The man protested; " Fuck that, why did ye take one of my ribs? For hither woman!? Actually never-ye-mind she is pretty fine, needn't worry about the rib." Life in Eden continued as man spent his spare time bear-wrestling and bull-fighting naked, while woman complained about shit to random animals.
Now the serpent was more subtle than any animal of the field which God had made. Once he found a gap between the woman's complaints, he said to the woman, “Yes, has God said, ‘You shall not eat of any tree of the garden?’ The woman, annoyed at being interrupted in the middle of some shit, said to the serpent, “Of the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat, but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat of it, neither shall you touch it, lest you die." The serpent said to the woman, “You won’t surely die, for God knows that in the day you eat it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit of it, and ate. She immediately knew what she had done and ran over to the man's wrestling arena lest she discover him sweaty in the midst of an unforgiving grapple against a bear. Discarding care about how important badass shit be to man, the woman ruined the man's joy lest she convince him to eat of the apple. The woman wishing not to be solely blamed for her misguidance and would rather the man be misguided too. Thus the man was beguiled til' he ate of the fruit.
Both of their eyes were opened, and they knew that they were naked. They sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons. They heard the voice of God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the woman hid herself from the presence of God among the trees of the garden whilst man exclaimed "Yo, God, this chick made me eat this and now I'm embarrassed and shit." " Christ woman, now I have to banish both of you from the garden of eden." God replied. To punish man God sentenced man to deal with p.m.s when it occurred in woman and to woman God gave pain during child birth and 'the period'.
- All characters mentioned in the above work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. -
- men vs. tampons -
often women see red both in terms of being angry and the other part, here is a list of scary similarities we have to tampons
1.Tampons: Absorb all of the unneeded annoying shit a woman has to offer.
Men: Have to absorb an illogical woman who just needs to get angry at somebody.
2. Tampons: There are always many tampons available to do their job.
Men: Like tampons, there are also many of us, however none of us want to do the job listed in no.1. However if you are unlucky enough to be that no.1, also like a tampon you will only be able to take so much before you can't anymore.
3. Tampons: Are enigma's to most men.
Men: Think that most of what you are angry about is an enigma.
4. Tampons: Get placed in harsh unforgiving terrain.
Men: Feel like they are in harsh, unforgiving terrain when they are around, you getting raped by friendly fire.
5. Tampons: Are used now and again by women.
Men: Are used now and again by women after we are usually mind-fucked by them
6. Tampons: Get used from half a day to a full day by women.
Men: In some cases women, using the 'hook' method, can use a man for well over 3 months.
7. Tampons: While tampons are dispensable...
Men: We stick around to endure their womanly habits.
- james cook
