- The sensitive vs. badass dilemma waltz pacifier -

It must be understood that while the sensitive vs. badass dilemma waltz is tempestuously frustrating and non-sensical, it allows a sense of equilibrium and adventure to crawl into the very very empty shell of a person you are only just beginning to create. Being independent for the first time is much like masturbation; during a wank, it feels good. It feels awesome. Followed almost immediately by a feeling like; "I just wanked...". Understandably the analogy provided above might seem lost to those without a cock, however allow me put it simply for those shortchanged females: Independence is great, it's just that, with independence comes responsibility, that of a weight unforeseeable to those who have never washed their own clothes or purchased their own groceries or earned their own money. This, I learnt the hard way, and so it is with great pride that I mention another realization I have had, and in tradition of my other 'realization' posts, I shall gladly share the warmth and satisfaction I have come to know in my usual 4-step format.

1) The scare (dependent on who you are)

Quite a while after your matriculation, you discover an evidently scary truth; you are on your own. Yes, I know it is scary but one must push on through many women and mental blocks to get to this point. At this point (mentioned earlier) you consider work, study, work, diggs, your future and depending on who you are, many many others.

2) Action

Eventually you will put all of these new considerations into action. You will find a job, apply to universities, find a job, look for an insanely disgusting flat and eventually start carving your future into life's stone. Whilst this feels personally liberating at the least, it's still fucking scary. Which brings to the next step:

3) Distractions

Distractions are what I like to call, the hail mary of independence. Distractions allow you to forget that your only trying to survive coping with the world on your own and encourage frustrations and quite a bit of fun. Your friend might have crashed his boss' car. funny. You might have asked a Shell garage station employee where the dishwashing liquid in the Pick n' Pay was because his working uniform might have been remarkably similar to that of Pick n' Pay's. funny. One may have reversed one's car into another because one thought it was in drive and not fucking reverse. funny. Distractions are the baby steps to actually relaxing into an independent life. Enter titular chapter; '"The sensitive vs. badass dilemma waltz pacifier". In the end of the day I realized, as frustrating as women and their ways may be, it is only one form of distraction. This is what makes life interesting.

4) The realization

In this regard I hold no grudge towards women and their inexplicable tendency to make no fucking sense whatsoever because it is all part of life. While I am writing this I can't help but draw upon a very smug and satisfied smile; because a distraction is a distraction from a distraction, and whilst this may seem completely oblique and laborious, I'm sure that after reading a completely time wasting article attempting to frame a life process, the reader will understand that this passage itself, similar to the title, was a distraction, incorporating another moment of happiness into their sometimes over-thought and serious lives.

- James Cook

"The sensitive vs. bad-ass dilemma waltz"

Clearly I have not learnt my lesson from the 4 part rule mentioned a couple of posts back. If you are still quite hazy on this topic, allow me to reiterate. When a man is in a relationship he can never allow himself to grow too comfortable in its inner workings (pun intended). A monogamous male must dance a beautiful line between appearing available and supportive to the respective female counterpart, whilst maintaining a cool inner-calm, offering subtle indifference too however the fuck she feels.

Failure to achieve this clearly simple task (according to women everywhere) will only result in complaints on how sensitive you are and as a result lack of sexual attractiveness followed by a repetition of "I feel like the man". Alternatively, one could be assaulted with the ever classic "You just don't know how I feel" or "You are an insensitive dog-fucker who eats ice for breakfast". I, being ever so familiar with both of these compelling and convincingly logical female arguments, am slowly learning how to do what I am now coining, "The sensitive vs. bad-ass dilemma waltz"

James Cook